Fear of Relationship

So, I had this funny conversations with my friends this day about relationships and love (?). Since I was the only one who had never had a boyfriend or any "meaningful" someone, my friends jokingly said I might had fear of relationship. One of them even expressed a genuine concern about my view on not wanting to marry and staying single (a fear my mother also had when she spoke to me about my marriage). Because you see, my mother was afraid I would end up unhappy in my later days. It's complicated actually, for her case.

But, even though my friends and I were just playing around, I actually realized this mindset about marriage; in which people were horrified at the prospect of not being married before they get 30. I remembered one of the meanest female lecturers we'd ever encountered in the history of studying, and people would comment that she was so mean because she was unmarried. It was not that, you know, she might be having superiority complex or anything, it was because she was unmarried, simple as that. And then another one of the greatest lecturer/educator I've ever met who was over 40 and was still single. For me, I realized that she was happy and contented; being highly educated, independent and financially strong. For some of her students, they were confused as to why she was not married- yet. They knew the reason and yet they still wonder. Funny eh? It was like being single was unthinkable! It was like being left all alone in the world, forget about your friends and relatives, being single was gonna kill you!

Careful, you might die from being lonely (aka single)

I think it was a bit funny, this mindset that people MUST get married or else unhappiness will bound to come. People said being unmarried was not fun, imperfect and such. That having a child was a necessary part of life. I was not sure about my father, but my mother wanted me to settle down with a husband and several children. She was mighty afraid that if I do not do that, I would end up unhappy, and one day my mind might snap from being single. Sad eh... Not that I'm saying having my own family is a terrible prospect, but looking at where I am, I still want to do a lot of things, you know. Like I want to succeed at being a teacher, I want to try and get a master, and gain a lot of working experiences. Truthfully, I don't think marriage is a compulsory matter in life. If I want to get married, then I will. If not, then I will still be happy because, it was not like I had never achieve anything in my life. And it was not that I don't have any interest to occupy my mind and heart.

So, what exactly was I trying to imply with this fear of relationship? It is the fact that people think of relationship as a medium for a marriage. Whenever people found out I am in no way interested of a relationship even in near future, their mind will automatically lead to "Are you saying you're not getting married? 'Cause that is bad, we need to have that special someone in our life..." I mean, have you seen the movies where women are portrayed as being incomplete because there was no man in her life despite her status of strong, independent working woman? Or the other way around? Conventional society's conditioning sucks.

I would tell you, with all earnestness, that I do not want to have a boyfriend, or a lover, or some sort. I have a lot of reasons for staying single, but it is certainly not because of fear of relationship. The reasons might be I want to focus on my education, I want to enjoy my privilege as an educational woman, I want to travel to a lot of places without being constrained, I want to enjoy my freedom as a single woman, etc. Just like what my teacher said, "what's the use of high education and a degree if in the end, all you ever want is to marry? Live a life first" (note: that life does not include going to club or fooling around with boys, mind you, I think those stuffs are stupid) Dearest people who are worried at my single and feminist perspectives, my happiness lies in my freedom to live and to express my views and feelings. Not on the need to have a boy/man as a partner in life. I might get married, one day. But right now, I am happy and contented.